PARASHAT Vayishlach

Torah Gems - December 12th

2008 / 15 Kislev

This week's Torah Gems were prepared by

Rabbi Nechama Goldberg

PARASHAT Vayishlach

The Last Kiss

A kiss is so commonplace that we take it for granted - a kiss hello or goodbye, or perhaps as a sign of affection. It is something we do every day. So, it is somewhat surprising that kissing is mentioned a mere 11 times in Torah. Eight of those times it involves Jacob and does not stem from affection or sincerity.

The first instance occurs while Jacob is in the process of deceiving his father. Isaac asks that Jacob lean over and kiss him so that he may smell the scent of his son to identify him. Jacob leans over to kiss Isaac in the hopes that Isaac will believe that Jacob is really Esau. The kiss is not an expression of love, but a gesture of deception. (Gen. 27:26-27.)

The next kiss is an impulsive act of a self-centered youth when Jacob first spies Rachel and kisses her. (Gen. 29:11.)When Rachel brings Jacob home to her father Lavan, Lavan kisses Jacob. (Gen. 29:13.) As the story develops, we know that there is no love lost between Jacob and Lavan. Their relationship is built on deception and lies.

At the end of 20 years of service to Lavan, Jacob is fleeing with his wives, his children and his flocks. Lavan pursues him and upon not finding the
household idols that were stolen, he uses the excuse that he did not have the opportunity to kiss his daughters and grandsons goodbye. (Gen. 31:28.) We don't associate warmth or demonstrative emotion with Lavan, so when he kisses the family goodbye, we are not moved. (Gen. 32:1.)

We arrive at the kiss in our parashah, Vayishlach. Jacob is sleep deprived. He has just wrestled with an angel. He has been injured. He is afraid of the coming reunion with Esau. Esau, on the other hand, has had 20 years to heal, to forgive, to grow and to prosper. He approaches the reunion with great enthusiasm. Esau runs to greet Jacob, embracing him, falling on his neck and kissing him. (Gen. 33:4.) Here is the one sincere kiss offered to Jacob and Jacob does not know how to accept it. Jacob is cowering and addresses Esau in an ingratiating manner referring to himself as "your servant" and to Esau as "my lord." When Esau urges Jacob to travel home with him, Jacob declines, saying that he will follow shortly thereafter. Instead of following, Jacob heads in the opposite direction.

It takes Jacob a long time before he can give or receive a kiss with emotional engagement and sincerity. It only happens after Joseph reveals his identity to his brothers, forgives them and kisses them. (Gen. 45:15.) As Jacob's life is coming to an end, he asks Joseph to bring his sons so that Jacob can bless them. Jacob's last kiss is for his grandsons, Ephraim and Menashe, before he offers his last will and testament to his sons. (Gen. 48:10.) As Jacob concludes this testament, he draws his last breath and is gathered to his people.

Joseph weeps over his father and lovingly places one final kiss on his lips. (Gen. 50:1.)